Keepin it in the Family

This past Wednesday, Barby and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary! I can't believe we have already been married for twenty magical years. I guess that makes sense, because Moeisha is 21 years old. But, that story will have to be told another day. Today's blog is on the real story of how Barby and I met. I had just finished street pharmaceutical school and was home visiting the folks for the summer. So, unfortunately the parents dragged me to a family reunion that I didn't want to go to. I can't stand my relatives! They are the most inbred, incompetent, undignified people I know!! But, I went and hung out with the only two cousins I can stand. Zeb and Zeek (they are always together) they are my best friends for life, next to Gates.

Zeb and Zeek

We used to always play pranks on our younger cousin Little Willy Walton. He is such a dork! He always thought he was so good at basketball, and all he could ever talk about was Kareem Abdul Jabber, Magic Johnson, and Larry Bird. Our favorite prank to play on him was to give him wedgies and hang him on the basketball rim by his underwear.

Little Willy Walton

So, as usual we were in the process of hazing Willy, and all of the sudden cousin Mose came running over and told us that his sister didn't want us to pick on Willy. I turned around and there she was! Greasy blond hair, pimply face, dirty poncho, hemp sandals, and braces. It was love at first sight!

Cousin Mose

Some might look down upon marrying your cousin, but it is a way of life in the Schrute family. In fact just about everyone from the days of our early ancestors has married a cousin, sister, half-sister, brother, uncle, aunt and even a couple of grandmas or grandpas. I would also say that about 95% of our pets are inbred! What a way of life! In fact many a cousin has been conceived either before or after our family reunions. In fact that is how Barby and I knew it was love. The pregnancy test told us so.

Cousin Gee-Tard

Overall our marriage has been a huge success. Our children are the cutest kids ever! We sure did luck out. However, Cousin Gee-tard was next on the list if things didn't work out for Barby and I. Just think how ugly those kids would look.....scary! As for Zeb and Zeek they never did get married. But they sure are together a lot, and spend a considerable amount of time in San Francisco............

"Gee, Billy I can't wait until I go to Higthhh School"

Well, I apologize for not blogging lately, "I love to blog", but I have been so busy! We went down south, the deep south, to visit the in-laws and go to Barby's high school reunion. Back in the day she was the eye candy of South Lafayette High. A million friends, a million parties, she was the queen of the high school. While at the reunion I had the pleasure of meeting many of her classmates. Needless to say I was thoroughly impressed with the number of famous people she went to school with.

Barby - Class of 1961

Chuck Manson, what a guy! He was Barby's first main squeeze back in the day. Apparently he was the senior class president. He had big plans for Barby in his cult, but she just couldn't bare the thought of wearing a swastika on her forehead. So, it didn't work out. Some how he was able to plan the whole reunion from the clink and even made a cameo appearance at the beginning of the dinner.

Jo Plastik Rivers was Barby's best friend and head cheerleader/parking lot whore. Barby could not believe how well preserved her face was. In fact when I shook her hand I thought I was shaking hands with the Grim Reaper. Barby asked what her trick was to maintain her youthful appearance. Jo said she soaks her face in formaldehyde for one full hour each morning!
Little Dicky Simmons . . . . . everyone knew he was gay back in high school. All the signs were there: long hours in the boys gym showers, president of the spandex club, he was always absent the week of the gay pride parade in San Francisco, and he was always oiling himself with the turkey baster in cooking class. His gay-dar readings are off the chart!
J.J. Dyn-o-mite Walker, he was the only one I could carry an intelligent conversation with. It was like I was talking to Gates, but he kept interjecting dyn-0-mite after every sentence. He was very interested in my career, and expressed interest in becoming a distributor in his community.
Overall the reunion was a hit and Barby was able to reconnect with her old chums. However, on the way home, all she could do was talk about Jo's face and how perfect it looked. All I can say is that Jo's face will probably look exactly the same 10 years from now at the next reunion.